I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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