We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
