on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
