my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
