I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize