while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Randomize
