Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
