oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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