He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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