My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
