I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
