Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(781): View more from Massachusetts

The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.

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(254): View more from Texas

Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?

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(315): View more from New York

he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair

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(562): View more from California

I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.

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(859): View more from Kentucky

When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.

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(541): View more from Oregon

You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.

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(919): View more from North Carolina

We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.

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(213): View more from California

I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina

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