Need sex. Gaining weight.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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