Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
