Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
