How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
