he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
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