We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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