I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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