we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
please don't ironically join a cult
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