In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
