We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
it glows. i had to have it.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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