you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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