What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Randomize
