she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
