I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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