Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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