I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize