Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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