Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
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