Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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