y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
