do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
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