in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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