Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
