well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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