i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
