If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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