The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
