Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
