God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
