They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
