she takes plan B like it's going out of style
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
