Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Randomize
