it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
