literally had 100 drinks last night.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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