if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
