I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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