God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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