guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
i think im in europe. pls send help
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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