Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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