Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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