Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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