Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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