their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
