apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Randomize
