my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
