During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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