I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
