I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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