when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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