420 ftw
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
home. puking in laundry basket.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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