eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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