I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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