So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
