So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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