Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
