feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize