I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
You ruined the universe
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
