Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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