We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
