i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
