it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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