if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize