Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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