AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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