That's intense
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
