I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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