Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Randomize
