I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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