I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Randomize
