I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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