I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
So much rum. So many feels.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
