Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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