We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
