So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
