so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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