I accidentally had phone sex last night
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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