i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
