yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
