what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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