please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
