I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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