i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize