Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
