Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
