In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
