so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I just blew my weed a kiss
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
