There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
