Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
