Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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