come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
