I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
