Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
